apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
