I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
