$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
