Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
