i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
