bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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