$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize