Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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