kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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