my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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