Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
