At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
