I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
