I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
