Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
