There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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