You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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