I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
