There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
These tits shall not be calmed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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