I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
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she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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