I want to have your abortion
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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