Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
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Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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