i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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