also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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