you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
