also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize