Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
