As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize