How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
