I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
