It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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