R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
