Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Pants are for mortals
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
