Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i believe in u and ur pee
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
