Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
