Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Boobs are out for the taking
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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