WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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