why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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