Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
