Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
