just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
How's work?
Spinning.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
