he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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