Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
