Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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