woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
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I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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