The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
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