The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
