My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
