I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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