i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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