And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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