Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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