I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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