I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
