i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
