evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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