I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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