Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
