You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
