Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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