I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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