You're my little dorito
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
