btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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