remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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