can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
