I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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