he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
