i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sext me about skeletons
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
