You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
