i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize