i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
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last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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